My World Part One
by CowgirlPrincess
Summary: Lily feels like she's lost between two worlds after her fifth year. The next two years, and their summer breaks between them help her to understand her classmates specifically the Marauders and find out that she has a world of her own.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the characters. I only own my imagination.

I sat there. Just staring at the parchment on the table. Everything I knew, everything that was mine was gone. My world, my life, my identity was gone. I thought to just a few minutes before…

"_It just slipped out."_

"_Slipped out? Why should I be any different. You call everyone of my birth that, how am I any different than them."_

"_Please Lily-"_

"_No Severus. You've made your decision. And I've made mine."_

The memory made me angry and fuelled me to write what I needed to write. _Sell the house. I won't be going there anymore._ My identity, my life, my world…they never existed. And they won't again.

Chapter 1

The train ride back to London was the longest that it had ever been. The entire time I sat there in the prefects compartment. It had long been vacated by the others, all going back to sit with their friends and making summer plans. I knew I would go to Alice's the last week. That's how it always had been, but before that I didn't know. I didn't have much wizard money, but I figured it would be enough for a room at the Leaky Cauldron. Though there isn't like I had much of a choice otherwise. Petunia…well I couldn't exactly expect any welcome from her. She'd made that very clear with the letter I got the day before. I just have to figure out how to get to the Leaky Cauldron now.

The train started to slow. I sighed and started to gather my stuff. Deciding that I would stay on the train until most everyone was off and gone with their parents to avoid any questions of her family's whereabouts. Just as I was putting the last of my stuff into my trunk the compartment door opened. I turned warily, though relaxed only a little when I realized who was there.

"Tell my mum I'll be out in a minute. I forgot something in the prefects compartment!" Remus Lupin called to his friends the Marauders. He turned and saw me, "Oh hey Lily did you forget something too?"

"Um…I guess you can say that…"

"Lily…that's all of your stuff…"

I got on rather well with Remus. He wasn't anywhere as conceited as the Black or Potter. I only wished he would step up more to keep his ridiculous friends in check.

"Yeah. This is all my stuff."

"Did you not sit with Alice, Frank, and Mary today?"

"No. I needed some quiet today."

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes Remus. I'm fine. Right as rain." I gave him a wry smile. "Well have a nice summer Remus. I'll see you in September." I lifted one end of my trunk and started to lug it out and off the train.

Remus seemed hesitant; I could tell he was unsure whether or not to believe me. "Yeah see you Lily. Keep safe this summer. More and more things have seemed to be happening lately."

_Don't I know that already…_"I will Remus. Thanks."

A little while later the station had pretty much cleared out. I stayed off to the side, watching as the last families gathered their stuff and started to make their way to leave the platform. It felt like the hole that had been growing in my chest had been ripped open, as I had watched the reunions of families. Fussing mothers, and teasing but relieved fathers around the station.

I had seen Alice after getting off the train. And after being scolded for not rejoining her, Frank and Mary in the usual compartment she reminded me of coming to her families summer home in Ireland the last week of the summer break. Then we giggled about Frank's mother who was attempting to wipe a smudge off his face, and then Alice gave me a big hug and I caught the scent of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, her favorite candy. Then she left with her quiet mother.

I stared after her, _Remember how mum's hair used to curl…No Lily. Stop thinking about it. It gets you nowhere…_Then my thoughts were interrupted by a quiet, "Lily. Do you need a ride?"

I turned to see Remus standing behind me. Potter, Black, and Peter had already left, I had seen them all go, but Remus and his thin pale mother still stood there off to the side.

"A ride Remus?"

"Yeah. To wherever you're staying this summer…I found this on the floor of the prefects compartment." He held out the reply from Petunia after she had sold the house.

Finally. You're so selfish you know. What need do you have for the house or anything in it? You've got oh so wonderful powers and friends and school, you don't need it. But I'm newly married and have to do everything on my own, including my own wedding thanks to you. Go clean out your junk on the third. NO other day. Before that me and Vernon will be there taking care of **my **mum and dad's stuff. And the cleaners are coming on the fourth. This is goodbye and good riddance freak. I'll never have to see you again. Don't contact me ever again.

"Oh…"

"I didn't mean to read it Lily. It was open and…"

"Don't worry Remus. I understand. You did nothing wrong."

"But, I'm assuming you don't have a ride? You don't have to explain any of it, true I don't understand it. But you don't have to explain. Just let me and my mum take you wherever you need to get to."

I looked down, "Remus…" then right as I was about to refuse I looked at his mum's face. It was so open, and so soothing. I gulped trying to blink away the tears that came. "Ok. Thanks." Mrs. Lupin smiled warmly and ushered Remus and I to the boundary.

When we got out to where they were parked I found that the car was a pickup. "Sorry there won't be much room, but this is the best to get out to our place."

"It's fine. I don't mind."

Remus grabbed my tunk and heaved it into the back, then put his in behind it. His mum started up the car, and he helped me up next to him allowing me to settle down by the window. "Where to?"

"Just the Leaky Cauldron. I'm going to see if I can arrange a room there."

Remus nodded reluctantly. "Ok." And we started to drive. I continued to look out the window at the passing traffic.

"There's my little Lilykins. Oh so grown up! Now which of these boys do I have to take care of? Anyone harmed my little girl?" His eyes sparkled and his balding head gleamed as the sun reflected off.

"_Daddy. Please" I said with a smile. " Don't embarrass me."_

"_Oh Lily you look so thin! Are you sure they feed you well at that school? You always look like you're wasting away when you get home!"_

"_Mum really. I eat just fine. Besides you're not much bigger than I am."_

"_Oh Lily, are you sure hon? Of course you're sure, you're always so sure. Oh Tunie say hello to your sister you haven't seen her since Christmas."_

_Petunia kept her head turned, staring fixedly at the wall so as not to look at anyone that was moving around them._

"_Petunia! Say hello to your sister!"_

"_Mum. It's fine. I'm just glad to be back, lets get home so you can see that I eat something yes?"_

"Mum! This is the wrong way!"

I was jerked out of my thoughts when I heard Remus' exclamation. I blinked to see that we had left the main roads and were heading straight out of London. I turned to look at the Lupins to see what was going on.

"Mum, the Leaky Cauldron is in London. Lily asked us to drop her off there"

Mrs. Lupin just shook her head firmly and kept driving.

"Mum…"

"No." I blinked, this was the first that I had heard Mrs. Lupin speak. "No friend of yours is staying at the Leaky Cauldron."

"Mum we haven't even asked."

"Lily, you don't mind coming do you. I would never be able to rest knowing someone that had been so good to my son was staying in a room at a place like the Leaky Cauldron."

"But, I don't wish to intrude…" I stuttered out, only to be cut off by Mrs. Lupin.

"No intrusion at all. We have plenty of space, and you already know about my dear Remus and from what I'm assured there's no need to worry about you. Any friend of Remus is a friend of mine, and I don't let my friend's rent out rooms."

"Alright…Alright…Thank you."

"Of course my dear. Now get comfortable. It takes a while to get home, but there's plenty of space and fresh air. Which I'm sure will be a Godsend after being stuck in that crowded train all day."

I gave a half smile. And turned back to the window to watch everything pass by. It was so calm in the truck, and I was so tired. I soon drifted off to sleep.

REMUS POV

As soon as I was sure she was asleep I murmured, "Thanks Mum. I felt horribly having to drop her off anywhere, but I didn't know what I could say or do."

"Of course Remus. She looked so lost, I'm glad that you went to speak to her."

"I haven't seen her smile in weeks Mum. That's the closest she's gotten to a smile since that day a while ago…"

"What happened?"

"James and Sirius were being James and Sirius. They were picking on that Slytherin friend of Lily's. I know she's been her friend since childhood, but I also know once they're going like that there's no stopping them…But she went in to stop them."

"Did he ask her out so untactfully again?"

"Yes…But that wasn't the big deal. Her friend called her…he called her a you-know-what."

"He didn't? What kind of friend was he?"

"A good one before…but he's changed, and Lily was forced to see the change in such an awful way. All of the light was gone from her face, and her eyes became so hard and lifeless…it wasn't Lily. I haven't seen her smile since…"

"Poor dear. Lost her lifelong friend in such a way. She must feel so alone. Do you know why she isn't going home?"

"Her family has traveled before for her father's work…I'm going to assume it's that…but that letter she had…it makes me wonder if it's something more. But I'm not going to push her. She's always been one to tell her feelings when she can, and not before. If you try and get it out all you get is her pushing you away."

My mum nodded. "Let's just take care of her now Remus. I think that's what she needs the most now."

"I agree Mum. Let's just be careful with what she says ok?"

"Of course. Of course. Relax now Remus. It's a long drive."

"I know Mum. I live there too you know. It hasn't been that long since I've been home." She gave a small smile, and reached out a hand to rub my hair.

"I know. It just feels long for me."

"Love you Mum."

"You too dear. You too."

AN

This is my first fanfiction. Please don't be too harsh. I welcome any kind of criticism, just try to be kind about it. It's the middle of finals and I'm feeling a little frazzled.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Just my own imagination.

AN: The italicized parts are flashbacks and thoughts. Sorry if it's unclear which at times.

Chapter 2

LILY POV

There were shapes everywhere. Moving, crowding. There were screams, so many screams. Voices, so many voices. They all sounded so harsh. One of them cried out something, she couldn't understand it at first, but when she saw the green flash, she knew. But the screaming continued. Why wouldn't the screaming stop. Why couldn't it stop?

"_Lily!_

_Lily!_

_Lily!"_

"Lily!"

"_Lily!"_

"Lily! Come on break out of it!"

"_Lily!"_

"Lily! Mum, why won't she stop screaming?"

"_Lily!"_

"I don't know Remus. It's like she's having a night terror, like you used to have after Greyback."

"_Please stop! Please!"_

"_Lily!"_

"What could make her like this?"

"_Lily!"_

"Just try and comfort her Remus. We're almost home. Just try and comfort her."

"_Lily! Please stop it! She's just a child!"_

"Come here Lily. It's ok, you're safe now. Shh. Sh…."

Strong but gentle arms held her. She was being rocked back and forth. The screaming quieted until all that was left were heart wrenching sobs…"…Mum. Where are you? Why aren't you here?"

REMUS POV

Lily had finally quieted down as they turned into the long drive up to the house. She still clung to my shirt with a grip so tight her knuckles were white. Still sobbing quietly. I held her and rocked back and forth. I turned slightly to Mum. "What happened to her to make her react like this Mum?"

"I don't know love. Whatever it was it was this girl was hurt more than she shows. It wasn't just losing her childhood friend."

"No. Definitely not."

"Remus, we have to make sure she sleeps. I don't think she has in a long time."

"Why's that?" I looked down at Lily to see if I could see any signs of sleep loss.

"How quickly she fell asleep here in the car. You can tell she's been fighting it. And the crying, it's washed the makeup from under her eyes. Can you see the black bags starting to show?"

I looked closer. There definitely were darker bags under her eyes that I hadn't noticed at first. But as I thought I realized something. "Mum. She's had those bags since Christmas. I remember James seeing them when she got back and worrying himself over them. He finally got the nerve to say something to her about them, and I stopped noticing them after that…"

Mum pursed her lips. "We'll keep and eye on her then. Something happened and I'm guessing over Christmas. Whether or not the night terrors started then we may never know, but I'm guessing that they didn't start like this until the shock of losing her friend sunk in."

I nodded slowly, understanding what she was meaning. I gently shifted to try and put Lily in a more comfortable position on my lap, and that's when I realized. "Bloody hell."

"Remus! Language!"

"No Mum. She's really thin. She barely weighs anything. And her back look." She slowed the car as we went around the last curve. When she looked at Lily's back that I had shifted so that she could see, she gasped.

"Remus. You can see her spine; all of it all the way down her back. Do you remember seeing her eat at all since Christmas?"

"I don't know Mum. She sits away from us to keep away from James. I've never seen her at meals unless he decides to pester her. But by how much of her bones that are showing, I'm going to say she hasn't."

I looked again to my Mum's face as we pulled up in front of the house. I hadn't seen her so worried since I told her that James, Sirius, and Peter knew that I was a werewolf. She parked the car and threw open the door. "Quickly Remus. Get her inside the house. Take her to the guest room and get her settled on the bed. I'm going to check her to make sure there aren't any other injuries or problems that she's been hiding."

"Mum?"

"Those were screams of pain. Not loss or fear, but excruciating pain. That much pain, loss of sleep, and not eating for so long, I'm worried she's extremely sick and I need to make sure it's not becoming fatal, if it already isn't."


	3. Chapter 3

AN and again. I only own my imagination. Which does get the better of me sometimes.

Chapter 3

LILY POV

I woke up. Vaguely remembering being carried inside from the truck. Though, not sure who carried her, and where I was exactly. All I knew was I was still exhausted like I hadn't slept at all. I groaned and stretched, I was so sore. Then I heard a noise.

"Who's there!?!"

"Lily?" a tired voice replied, "You're awake?"

"Remus?"

The lamp switched on. And I saw a very tired Remus sitting on a chair off to the side of the bed. "How are you feeling Lily?"

"I'm fine. Why are you in here?"

"Lily. You're not fine, you don't have to hide it. I'm in here to make sure you woke up."

"Of course I'm fine. Why ever would I not wake up?"

"Because you're exhausted, beaten, starved, and in an extreme amount of emotional pain. In fact I'm amazed you're even awake already," a new voice answered. I turned and there was Mrs. Lupin standing in the door.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Miss Evans. If you continue to argue I will forcefully put you back to sleep. I'm a healer, I know what I'm talking about. You can't hide it from me. You're skin still shows signs of extreme bruising" I tried to cut in, but she merely glared at me and continued on, "You don't have to tell me where it's from, but I will do everything in my power to get you better young lady and you have nothing you can do about it."

I stared at her indignantly. My spine straightened as I felt a burst of anger rush through me, What right has she to talk like that. She doesn't know anything! As I opened my mouth to voice my retort, I felt a hand touch my arm, and I turned to see Remus looking between us worriedly.

"Lily. Please. You don't have to say a thing, no one has to know. In fact, we don't even have to tell anyone that you're here. Just let us take care of you and get you better before you go running off."

I looked between Remus and his mother. From his gentle worry and care, to her equally worried look, though still quite firm. I felt so tired. I felt the anger drain out just as quickly as it came. "Fine. But no one can know that I'm here. Or that I'm unwell. It will bring up too many questions that I will not answer."

"That's fine dear," Mrs. Lupin's face had softened, though I could still see traces of the strength that was there just moments before. "Only our little family will know. And that's all that needs to. It will be nothing strange if people see me caring after someone. The neighbors know that Remus is often unwell himself, and I take care of him here whenever his illness takes him for a time. Here drink this."

I accepted the mug, it was warm, and already started to sooth me. "Of course." I took a sip, and my body began to relax immediately. I could feel sleep coming. "You don't have to hide from me Mrs. Lupin, Remus. I know what Remus' condition is. I've known since first year. They don't call me the brightest witch of our age for nothing." I yawned, my eyes closing so that I didn't see Remus and his mother's shocked and worried looks bouncing between each other and me.

REMUS POV

I was shocked. I couldn't believe what I just heard. Lily knows…in fact knew before even James, Sirius and Peter did? Bloody h…How could she have known so soon? I was so careful then. There's no way…No there is…

It was just after the Christmas holidays, and I was sitting in the corner of the Common Room reading the texts for Defense Against the Dark Arts class the next day. I glanced up when I heard someone sit down next to me. "Oh. Hiya there."

"Hello Remus, how were you're holidays?"

"They were alright Lily. Just me and Mum. Quiet, like I like it."

"Oh, that must've been lovely. The skies were very clear these last few nights. Made it very easy to see the moon."

I looked down, I didn't want to have any eye contact, so she couldn't see anything from my face. "Yeah. I suppose so. I haven't really noticed."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. Anyways, I was going to head to bed here soon, but I thought I'd return your book you let me borrow before the holidays. It was quite interesting."

"Oh. Yes. I'm glad you liked it."

"Very much. It explained a lot of creatures that I haven't understood. It's funny how much muggle perceptions on the different beings of our world are so different than how they are truly aren't they?"

"Oh? How so?"

"Oh just that anything that's not human, is something wild and scary. Especially if there's magic involved. I mean, each being has their own strengths and feelings too you know? Like werewolves, I mean they didn't choose to be a werewolf did they? And even though they lose themselves for a little while, that's not them truly. They are still human, even if they don't have control that one time you know?"

"Yeah, yeah I do."

"Of course you do. You're so smart. So kind and gentle. You have a very open mind and understanding for everything don't you?"

I looked up startled at how the conversation had changed. "I guess?"

"You do Remus. You're an amazing person. I'm quite proud to call you my friend."

She then gave me a hug, and flounced off. Her hair was much shorter than, she always had them in curls as well. I watched out for her in awe the rest of the years, as she grew into an even more beautiful young lady. Even though the curls left, the body changed, she was still little Lily. Hugging him every month, when he thought it was just coincidental that it always feel near the full moons. Each time telling him what an amazing person he was, and how she loved having him as a friend.

I guess…It wasn't coincidental after all.

"Remus. Has she really known that long dear?"

"Yeah Mum. I didn't think she had, but now it's so obvious she had."

"She never did anything about it did she?"

"No Mum. In fact, she's been as much of a help to me as the guys have. Always words of encouragement, hugs, and praise right when I needed it the most during the cycle. The guys helped me in the monster side, and she helped on the human side. Many times it was her who helped me feel human again."

Mum had tears in her eyes, and we both jumped when we heard Lily mutter sleepily, "There is no monster Remus. Just human Remus. That's what I've been telling you for years."

Mum nodded in agreement, "I've been saying that too. Thank you for saying it when I couldn't be there to."

"Always…will…" Lily had drifted back off to sleep

"Come on Remus. We should let her sleep. That's the first thing to get her back on the right track for her health."

I nodded, still in slight shock. As we started out the door, there was a gasp, and we turned to see Lily sitting up in bed, her eyes wide and wild. "Don't leave me alone! I can't be alone or they'll come back! They'll come back!" Tears started to stream down her face, leaving tracks along her cheeks that had gone ashy. I stepped back into the room.

"Of course Lily. I won't leave." She stared at me unblinkingly. Almost as if she thought if she blinked I would run.

"Don't worry darling," Mum said, "You're big brother Remus will stay." She walked over and stroked Lily's hair soothingly. "Big brother Remus won't let anything happen to you."

I went over and sat next to her. She laid back down slowly. Her breathing becoming smoother and she was asleep quickly.

"I'll get you some blankets and a pillow dear. You don't mind staying. Her feeling safe is the biggest thing we need to take care of while she's recovering."

"Of course Mum. I'll be here as long as she needs."

"That's my grown son." She kissed my head, and quietly slipped out of the room.

AN I know there's a lot of Remus. But I promise there is no Remus/Lily relationships other than close friendship and brotherly/sisterly love. And the rest of the Marauders will show up as well, this is eventually the story of Lily falling for James after all...Just other parts have to develop first or it won't work.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Nothing owned.

Chapter Four

REMOS POV

It had been a week since Lily came home with us. She was starting to mend thank goodness. She could now stomach small portions of soup, and even though she still was exhausted, there were hints of color coming back into her cheeks. Mum said it would be a while until her appetite would come back fully, even to have her be able to eat solid foods without vomiting after. She had been too long without proper food, her body would have to get accustomed to it again slowly.

The nights were still long as well. Each night would have at least two fits where she would be screaming and crying, but not ever fully waking her. Mum called them night terrors and would always remind me to not wake her during them. When I asked her why, she would always reply that sometimes they wouldn't be able to come out of the terror after they've been woken suddenly, and that would harm more than help. I would hold her, rock and do all I could to soothe her when they happened. Then mum would come in after the worst with another soothing tea to help her get to a more peaceful rest.

Mum had also allowed Lily to get out of her bed. She could make it around the house fine, and she had started to help mum cook, and would attempt to help clean, though mum wouldn't allow her to do anything strenuous.

After breakfast, me and mum eating some pancakes while Lily ate a little bit of thin porridge, I looked outside. The sun was shining, and it was a couple weeks until the next full moon so I was feeling great. "Hey Lily."

"Yes Remus?" came the reply, even though she didn't look up from the dishes.

"It's a nice day today."

She glanced to the window, "Yes it does look it."

"Would you like to take a walk with me around outside? Show you around out there, get some fresh air and sun. What do you think?"

"That would be nice, but…"

"But what Lily?"

"It's the third."

"Yes I suppose it is, but what does that have to do with you walking outside?"

"I need to go pick up my stuff today, and I was wondering if you could take me?"

"Oh. Yeah, yeah I can do that."

"Thanks Remus. Do you mind if we go as soon as I finish these dishes? I want to get this over with."

"Of course Lily. I'll go let mum know and get the keys ok?"

"Ok." She went back to scrubbing the dishes, but a lot slower than before.

I went down the hall and found mum in Lily's room, she was quietly changing the sheets on the two beds in there. "Hey mum."

"Yes love?"

"Lily needs to go pick up her stuff today. She wants to know if I can take her."

"That's fine Remus. Just don't let her lift anything too heavy alright?"

"Of course mum. I'll keep and eye on her. Where are the keys?"

"I believe they're in the drawer in the table next to the sofa."

"Thanks mum. It won't be too long, I think she wants to get in and out fast."

Mum just nodded absent mindedly. "Just be careful. And mind the road laws, we don't want another muggle ticket."

"Of course not mum."

LILY'S POV

I finished the last plate slowly. I hoped that it wouldn't be too hard on me to go home. I didn't want to give the Lupin's more to worry about.

"Lily, you ready to go?" I turned to see Remus standing quietly in the doorway of the kitchen, the truck's keys in one hand.

"Yeah. Yeah lets go."

REMUS POV

The ride into the city, then through it to one of the many suburbs was a quiet one. Lily stared out the window the entire time, and didn't move until I had turned onto her street. "You know where I lived?" Her voice was quiet but surprised.

I chuckled. "Yeah, James would make us come by and scope it out. Sirius called them our 'habitat studies'."

Her face changed from surprised to alarmed.

"Don't worry, I made sure we weren't here long, and I never let them do more than peek into the back yard to see what you and Snape were up to."

She relaxed again. "Oh. Alright then. I guess I'm not surprised."

I turned into the drive and it was my turn to be surprised. The originally neat and clean yard had gone wild. The gardens over run with weeds, and the grass untrimmed. In our little excursions it would be common to see Lily's dad laboring in the yard keeping it clean and pristine. I looked to Lily to see her reaction, and only saw the determined look I hadn't seen in her face in a while. "How could she let this place go like that? How in heavens name does she expect to be able to sell it this way?"

"Well the note did say something about cleaning people coming through…"

She looked at me surprised, "How did you kno-oh yeah. You saw the note on the train."

I nodded sadly. "Shall we?" The determined look returned, and she nodded curtly. I watched her back straighten, and her walk determinedly into the house.

LILY'S POV

Walking in the door resulted in a rush of memories._ Mum in her little apron baking something in the kitchen and yelling for Dad to come back inside and clean his mess for once. "If your stuff inside was as clean as your garden we'd have more space and the girl's wouldn't have to share a room!"_

_"Why should they not share the room?" Came the muffled reply from the yard, "they're sisters! Both girls! Nothing wrong with two girls sharing!"_

_"They've grown up and deserve their own space Harry!"_

_"We do just fine with sharing our space Rose why can't they!"_

_"How do you know that?"_

_"Oh come love! You know you don't mean that."_

_And she never did mean it, no matter what she yelled she always cared for everyone a 110%. No argument with her was ever serious, she could never keep a blank face. And dad knew that, and him being just the same created a very happy and lighthearted marriage between the two._

"Lily? You alright?"

I jumped at Remus' voice. "What? Oh! Yes, yes I'm fine. I believe Tuney put all my stuff in some boxes upstairs."

"Alright."

We walked slowly up the stairs and pushed open the bedroom door to find a bare room except for the boxes of things neatly stacked and labeled with Petunia's neat hand. One stacked said, "To sell" another, "Garbage" another, "Petunias" and the last and smallest, "Hers." It was fast work getting that small stack out to the truck. When we came back inside to get the last box I happened to glance in one of the garbage boxes and gasped.

REMUS POV

I turned from lifting the last box that was labeled "Hers" when I heard Lily's gasp. She was standing next to the pile marked garbage, and frantically pulling books out of a box. "Lily?"

"Remus, how could she think she can throw these away?"

I walked over to see what it was, it was a box full of photographs. Muggle still shots and Wizarding photos waving were intermixed, as well as small albums. "You don't have to leave this Lily. Would you like to take them?"

"Yes. Yes please."

"Ok. You take this box it's lighter, and I'll grab the other one alright?"

She nodded slowly, setting the albums she had pulled out back on top. She picked up the other box, and walked down the stairs and out the door. Her back wasn't as straight and she seemed weary. She wouldn't be up for much more today I could tell.

LILY POV

_How could she think that those could just be thrown away. Does she think she can forget everything if she gets rid of the visual evidence? Is everything that easy to get rid of?_ I set the box in the back and turned as Remus set the photos in the cab since that box didn't have a lid. "Remus."

He turned, "Yes Lily."

"Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"Don't thank me yet Lily. You're not better yet, and there's still the rest of the summer."

"Still, thank you."

He smiled. "Of course Lily, just don't try and thank my mum or else you'll get a lecture on how and when such gratitude is needed."

I gave a small laugh. "Of course." I stood on my tip tops and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

"I'm not going anywhere Lily."

"I know. Thank you."

"Again with the thank you's."

"Alright, alright. I'm done. Lets go home."

"Alright."

We got into the car and drove off, and I didn't look back. That place was where I thought was my home. But this neighborhood was muggles. Something I'm not. I don't belong in that world.

Neither Remus nor me noticed the two boys with long black hair watching us drive off. On with a greasy scowl from the house a couple doors down, and another from the tree in the Evan's yard. Confusion and anger covering his naturally handsome features.

SIRIUS POV

_What are you doing Moony? What should I tell Prongs…_


	5. Chapter 5

A/N only own my imagination.

Chapter Five

REMUS POV

It had been a couple weeks since we had gone to Lily's home. She had settled into the bedroom, and even had slept a couple nights all on her own. Both Mum and I were pleased with how she was progressing. There was color back in her cheeks, and moments where she'd smile and her green eyes would sparkle like before. She had also been able to start eating more foods and hopefully her weight would start to go back up to normal.

Even though Lily still couldn't stomach many foods, she still loved to cook. And before Mum could stop her Lily became the honorary cook for the three of us. Mum didn't seen to happy about Lily working, but when she saw how calm Lily looked in the kitchen she didn't have the heart to stop her. I didn't mind because her food was delicious.

It was a nice afternoon, though I wasn't feeling my best. The full moon was just a night away. James had sent me an owl, but I hadn't replied yet since I didn't know what to do about Lily. I knew I was going to have to talk to her about it, so I walked into the kitchen where I found her humming quietly to herself as she cut some vegetables she was going to use in whatever she was making for lunch.

"Now Remus. You know the rules, no snacks right before a meal, it'll ruin your appetite," she teased.

"Actually…I needed to talk to you about something…"

"What is it Remus?" She didn't look up from what she was doing which I was grateful for.

"Well, it's the full moon tomorrow night…and you see…well the guys they…you see James he…"

"MOONY! MOONY YOU GIT ARE YOU ALIVE?" I was cut off by the yelling of the voice that belonged to the person I was just talking of.

Lily looked up her face pale, "Why is he here Remus?"

LILY POV

_I couldn't believe it. Potter…here…I mean yes Remus just tried to warn me I think, but why didn't he warn me earlier? Why oh why…_

"That's what I was trying to say, the guys come to spend a few nights every full moon. It's a tradition, and I didn't want to stress you about it, and didn't know how you'd react…I didn't think they'd come so soon or unannounced though!"

"Right…Right…they're good friends to you. It makes sense why they'd be here. But you have to promise me you won't tell them I'm here."

"What?"

"They're not like you. They'll ask questions that I can't answer, I can't handle them. I can't handle him right now. Not like this."

"Lily-"

"Promise me Remus. They can't know I'm here. They can't."

REMUS POV

Lily's face was so pale, her eyes so big and frightened. "REMUS! ARE YOU HERE?"

She jumped as he yelled again closer. Rather than argue with her here, I nodded quickly. "I won't tell them you're here, and I'll make sure Mum won't either. But Lily, they'll be here for a couple days…"

"I'll figure something out. Thank you Remus." She gave me a swift kiss on the cheek and threw off the apron as she dashed up the stairs out the opposite end of the kitchen. The door shut behind her just as James and Sirius burst through the other door.

"Moony! There you are! Why didn't you answer?"

"I was-I was-"

"Cooking?" Sirius questioned as he looked around me at the food around the kitchen.

"No! Just…just cutting the vegetables for Mum. She had to run and work on something, and I thought I'd finish it up for her…"

"You're such a good son mate." James cut in. I think Mum would faint if me or Sirius did something like that right Padfoot?"

"She sure would. Especially since I'm not allowed in the kitchen at all anymore…"

"Man! You ate everything in there! Right before that big ministry dinner party!"

I chucked, "I'm surprised you're alive."

"Believe me. So am I. But I guess even Mum can't fight the effect I have on the ladies." Sirius smirked, and flipped his long hair back out of his eyes.

"Ha ha."

"Yeah, real funny Padfoot. Was this before or after she chased you with the broom?"

"The fact, Prongsie ol boy, that I'm here and breathing should be proof enough."

We all chuckled for a bit. "Hey, where's Peter?"

"Oh. Wormtail's Mum is sick again. Said he had to stay home and help her out this time. But he'll come next one."

"That's alright." Whew…that means I won't have to come up with a reason why one of them had to share a room since Lily's in the other guest room at the moment.

"Shall we eat then?" Sirius said looking around at all the food.

"Your animagus should have been a pig with how much you think with your stomach." James laughed.

LILY POV

I stood on the stairs listening to the boys talk and laugh and eat in the kitchen. I wasn't surprised about the mention that they were animagi. I had suspected as such since fifth year. They all think they're so good at hiding things…sometimes I wonder that the whole school doesn't know.

When I heard what Sirius said next though, I had to stifle a gasp. "You know Moony…shouldn't you go and get the others for lunch as well. Didn't you have another guest here for the summer?"

"What do you mean Padfoot?" came Remus' quiet reply.

"Oh. I just hear that you had someone over for the summer, a girl by chance?"

There was a slightly forced sounding laugh. "A girl here? For the summer? Other than my Mum, there's no girls in this house. Why would there be."

"Just something I heard…"

"Well I wouldn't trust that source anymore if I were you."

"Of course mate…Of course…"

I didn't relax until James started talking, but tensed again after I heard what he said, "So we went to check in on Lily already."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…They moved apparently. Padfoot said that he saw people taking boxes out, I knew that Lily's sister, that really tall skinny blonde, had gotten married. So I sent him back to make sure, and he said that the house is completely empty."

"Well I guess means you won't be tempted to bother her anymore?"

"Except, now I want to know where she lives…"

"Isn't it for the better though Prongs," Remus cut in, "Didn't you say that you wanted to get over her this summer so you wouldn't be hurt anymore next year."

"Yeah…but it doesn't hurt to be curious."

"It has before."

"But Moony…" I stopped listening, and went back to thinking. _I hope that Sirius hadn't seen anything that would give hints to him that I'm here. Could he have?_

"Lily honey," a voice came. I gasped and jumped, turning to see Mrs. Lupin.

"Oh, it's you."

She nodded and smiled sweetly. "I'm guessing you didn't want to be found out?"

I shook my head quickly. "Alright," she sighed, "Go on up to your room. I'll bring you something in a bit alright."

"Thank you." I breathed. She smiled carefully and kissed my forehead.

"Go on up and rest. I'll bring you some books as well."

I nodded again and went up the stairs, after I reached the top I heard her open the door, and say, "Well would you look at this. Two apparently starving boys in my kitchen. What a charitable heart you have Remus." And as I closed my bedroom door I heard the enthusiastic replies "Hi Mrs. Lupin!" "How are you this beautiful day Anne?"

SIRIUS POV

I waited until later that evening before attempting to approach Remus. I hadn't noticed a thing out of place, but I knew what I saw. After making sure that James was distracted completely helping Anne with the dishes. "So. You seen Lily at all?"

"Do I ever see Lily over the summer?"

"You normally hear from her…"

"She's my friend Padfoot."

"Friend?…" I trailed off suggestively.

"Sirius. Have I ever given any sign of anything more?" Remus turned to me, it was clear in his face that I had offended him. "She is like the sister I've never had. And James is my brother. So one. That would be like incest from my account. Two. I would never betray James."

"I know…I know. But sometimes emotions can't be controlled…"

"Sirius. Incest."

"Kay. Kay. Just making sure. But you knew she moved."

"Yes."

"When."

"Right as."

"Why?"

"She won't say."

"Will you help us find her."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because, I do know it's a matter of safety. And for the safety of James and Lily. I will protect them both, and all things connected to them to the point that I would give my life."

"It's really a matter of safety?"

"Yes."

"And you swear, you're not with her?"

"I swear."

"Alright. That's all I needed to know."

"Sirius."

"Remus."

"You need to swear never to bring this up again, you can't say anything to James. This it is."

"I'm with you Remus. I'll protect them, and any little mini Prongs' and Lily's to my grave."

JAMES POV

_It's nice being here again. It's always been such a safe haven. It's strange though. I could've sworn I smelt vanilla earlier…not from the cooking. Especially when I go upstairs…Lily always smells like vanilla…oh man…I've lost it. I try to get over her and not think about her, and I start smelling her places…_

A/N Thanks you all for reading, no I'm not done. But doesn't mean I can't be grateful during it.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Only own imagination. And sorry that it took so long for me to update. I went and ripped a tendon in my ankle and it's definitely slowed me down on many things.

Chapter Six

REMUS POV

The next few days were nice ones. Lily was good at hiding, to tell the truth I don't think she ever left her room, but if I hadn't already known she was there, I wouldn't have ever figured it out in those days. It was great to see the guys, though I started to worry as it went on. Mum kept going upstairs, saying she had migraines. She has them often enough that James didn't think of it, but I'd catch her with a worried wrinkle between her eyes when she'd come back down. I knew it was about Lily.

As soon as James and Sirius left, with a muttered "To the grave Moony" from Sirius as he said goodbye, I ran upstairs to Lily's room. I was absolutely shocked at what I found. Her curls were limp, she was just staring at the book in her lap, and the bags under her eyes were dark. It was like all the progress she'd made had been reversed by at least a week. "Lily?"

She jumped, blinked a couple times, and with an attempted smile that didn't reach her eyes, "Remus. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. It was all remarkably easy this time. Lily, have you slept at all these past few days?"

"Oh Remus, stop you worrying about me, I've just been cooped up in here for a while, anyone would look under the weather."

"Lily-"

"Remus," she interrupted, "I'm fine. Stop worrying. Have they left?"

"Yes, just before I came up."

"Good. I'm going to go shower now." She got up and set the book down carefully on the bedside table. As she walked past she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm fine Remus."

I watched as she walked out and down the hall to the bathroom. _If she's fine, then every full moon I turn into a giant fluffy bunny._

"Remus darling."

"Mum. Has Lily slept?" I asked turning to her.

She shook her head sadly. "No darling. She didn't want to give herself away in anyway. She didn't want the night terrors to wake them, so she didn't let herself sleep. And I'm afraid that her sitting there all night, resurfaced some of the fear that she was coming past."

"Mum, we can't do this. Not every month, she'll never get better that way. Not if every cycle she backtracks to where she was a week or two before."

"I know. But what can we do?"

"I'll figure it out Mum. I'll figure it out."

"I know you will love. I know you will." She rubbed my cheek affectionately. "I'm going to bed now Remus. This time I actually do have a migraine."

"Alright. Feel better Mum."

"I always do Remus."

Later that night Lily fell straight asleep completely exhausted, I stayed there in the room watching her and thinking. _What can I do? What can I do? Sirius. I'll talk to Sirius, there's only two more full moons of the summer, I'll have him help keep the guys away for the rest of the summer. That's all I can do._

I quietly slipped out and got my mirror to contact Sirius. I hurried back to Lily's room when I heard her start to whimper. "Shh Lily. I'm here, I'm here." She sighed and relaxed again, and I pulled the mirror out from behind me.

"Sirius? Sirius? Come on mate, I know you're still awake now."

"Moony? What's up mate?" Sirius' head came into view on my mirror.

"Sirius, I need your help with something."

"Anything for my hairy friend."

"I'm serious Sirius," he started to chuckle, "Sirius! Focus. I'm afraid that you guys can't come for the full moons for the rest of this summer."

"What?"

"Things have gotten complicated here with Lily, and I'm afraid I can't have anyone come over here or else things will just get worse instead of getting better."

"What does that have to do with us helping you with the full moon?"

"That's not my information to divulge Padfoot. Please just trust me on this and help me figure out how to keep James away."

He sighed. "Ok. But you have to swear that this will all be explained to me Remus. Sooner rather than later preferably."

"When it's time you'll know. I swear."

LILY POV

The last few days had been hard. I know it, and I know that Remus knows it. I laid there listening as his and Sirius' voices dimmed to a murmur as they figured out what to do. I knew Sirius knew I was there, he made sure that I did that first night they were here.

_"Prongs, you go to sleep man. You get tired and you start talking looney, and who knows what'll happen when you get too looney. I definitely don't want to know."_

_"Ha ha mate. Ha ha."_

_"You guys are both looney."_

_"Oh Moony! I knew you cared!"_

_"Hush up Sirius. You should be going to bed."_

_"Yeah yeah yeah. Hey you guys go ahead, I need a glass of water. I'm feeling parched."_

_"Parched? That's a big word for a dog."_

_"Oh, and your antlered head doesn't help with how big your head is Prongs."_

_"Oh go get your water." I listened as they all split up and went to their different rooms. And tried to wait patiently until I heard Sirius get into his room before I made a dash to the bathroom._

_"Lily." I gasped and looked frantically around the room to see if I could find somewhere to hide as I saw the door open slightly._

_"Don't worry, I won't give it away you're here. I just thought it would be a good idea for you to know that I know you're here."_

_"Sirius," I whispered. "Please."_

_"I won't come in. But know I'll be watching out for you for whatever."_

_"Why?"_

_"Remus thinks you're good. James is head over heels for you. And you haven't done anything to me in particular so I have no feelings for you either way. But if they think you're worth it. I trust them."_

_I didn't say anything, trying to digest his words._

_"Goodnight Lily."_

_"Goodnight," I breathed as the door shut, and heard him walk to his room and close the door. Shocked and confused to what happened exactly._

I came out of my daze as I heard Remus say goodnight to Sirius and put the mirror away. Then as I heard him settle in his chair, and his breathing slowed as he fell asleep. I was finally able to fall asleep myself.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N Ditto as before...

Chapter Seven

The rest of the summer went without a glitch. James was confused about the change of the normal plans and the fact that no one was there for Remus at his changes. But with the help of Sirius he trusted that it's what had to be done, whether or not he knew why. Lily started to mend. Her appetite was still quite low, but the bags were gone from her eyes, and she was beginning to smile again. Remus was relieved as the continued progression in her mood.

LILY POV

Summer was almost over. I could often forget what had happened, that is until I went to sleep. When I slept I was still plagued with dreams. Flashes of colors, screams, terror, and pain filled my sleep. They could only relax through the relaxing and safe presence of Remus in the room.

I had often thought what that meant. That I felt so safe with Remus. Do I care for him? Yes. Do I love him? Yes. But do I want to snog the living daylights out of him? Do I want to pursue a relationship that meant something figuratively more? No. Good heavens no. The thought alone gave me the shivers. I loved him and cared for him, but it was the way I felt about Tuney. He was my protective big brother. He could save me from the dark reaches of my memories living in my dreams. I had all my trust in him. And I knew that whomever he trusted. I could just as well.

I ended up backing out of going to Alice's that summer. I had grown to cherish the sleep I could have, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep there in fear of the terrors coming back.

Remus' and my Hogwarts letters came together. "How-?" I started to say.

"Dumbledore is a good man. Nothing gets past him," Mrs. Lupin said with a smile. "Now you two after breakfast floo down to Diagon Alley and get that shopping done. Just be sure not to stay out after dark alright?"

"Of course not Mum. I'm done, you ready Lils?"

"Yeah," I said. Remus had started to refer to me as Lils at some point in the summer. I hadn't found it grating anymore, like I had in the past as Pot-J_ames. Remus asked me to call them by their names. I promised to be civil as long as they would be. I can do that. I can do that for Remus after all he's done for me._ "Lets go."

After stepping out of the flames in Diagon Alley, and I helped Remus dust off and he helped me dust off, we stepped out blinking into the sun. I hadn't been outside much, so I knew that by the end of the day I would be burnt to a crisp.

"Where shall we go first?" Remus asked, looking around with mild interest.

"Can we go to Gringotts first? I need to trade some money through. I still have some wizarding money from last year, but not enough."

"That's fine."

We started off down the bustling street, heading towards the leaning height that was Gringotts Bank. We were almost there when I heard them.

"Remus! Remus over here!"

"Moony! Fancy seeing you here!"

I turned slowly to face them as James, Sirius and Peter rushed forward. "Oh, hi Evans." James said surprised.

"Pot-" I was cut off by Remus clearing his throat, "-James. Have a nice holiday?"

James blinked a couple times, his eyes wide behind his round glasses. _He looks like an owl…_

JAMES POV

Did she? No she couldn't've. But she did. "Hi Lily. Thanks Lily. I did Lily." _Dangit. Relax brain, don't say Lily too much, she'll find that more than odd. Maybe she didn't notice…Dangit. Look at that amused smile, she did notice. Please let her keep talking to me!_

LILY POV

I smiled slight as James stuttered through the three short phrases, and his repetition of saying my name. "Good. Well it was good to see you lot. I'm off to do my shopping. Have fun. Talk to you later Remus."

REMUS POV

I stood there uncertainly as I watch Lily walk off on her own. Do I follow her, she seemed so small and vulnerable as she weaved through the people to get to the large doors of Gringotts. As she was walking through the doors, she turned and made eye contact with me. After giving me a slightly forced grin, she nodded her head signaling for me to go on. I was about to shake my head in reply and follow when James came out of his embarrassed stupor.

"Moony! Why in the world could we not come all this summer?"

"I tried to tell him Moony. But he just complained that he was bored all the time."

I turned back to them with a sigh. "Family matters Prongs. Come on lets get this shopping done. I have to be back for dinner."

LILY POV

I watched Remus walk off with the guys. I felt like an open target, but I knew that among all the bustling people, and the extra security I would be fine for the day. _ Besides I've been selfish enough and kept Remus to myself all summer. He needs time with his own friends. Not girls who have nightmares._

A/N Sorry it's short and a long time in coming. I've had a hard time concentrating recently. I should be back into a normal schedule again soon I think.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N It's just my imagination that I own.

Chapter Eight

LILY POV

I was waiting outside of Olivander's. I had been for a while. And no matter how hard I was trying to get myself to calm down about it, I was starting to panic that Remus hadn't come back yet. He's just with the guys. Having fun, seeing his friends that he hasn't seen in a while. There's plenty of light left, relax Lily. Relax. You can go home soon.

I looked up the street again, Shall I just go floo myself home? I don't want to worry Remus, but I don't know if I can handle being here much longer. I was doing much better just at the house, with me and Mrs. Lupin. However being at Diagon Alley, swarming with people, and so much noise, I couldn't relax. My brain was going on overdrive. I needed to get out.

I was turning to go and floo home. Mu-Mrs. Lupin will know a way to let Remus know that I've gone home. When my thoughts were interrupted, "Lily! Lily over here!" I breathed a sigh of relief at the voice.

"Remus," though I paused when I saw that the guys were still with him.

"Hey, we were just going to my place for dinner, and I saw you here by yourself and I was wondering if you would like to join us?"

I stared at Remus like he was crazy. "Beg pardon?"

"We're going to have supper at my place, these blighters practically invited themselves over. We saw that you were alone, and I remembered you saying you weren't doing anything tonight so I thought rather than you being alone you could join us. I'm sure my Mum would love to meet you."

I blinked a couple times…What in heavens name is going on…but what else can I do? I mean it's my home too, and it would be weird if I flooed there with these guys coming at the same time…

Remus' eyes started to get slightly urgent the longer I stood there thinking. Not seeing any other way out of it, I nodded slowly. "Alright I guess. As long as you lot don't try and do something to me…"

"Don't worry. You can floo first so that there's no time for us to set anything up." Po-James said with a grin. He seemed giddy with the idea that I agreed to go and do anything with him and his friends. Sirius next to him was watching me shrewdly.

"Alright. Let's go." We all started walking, Sirius practically running ahead, while egging James and Peter to run with him. Giving me a chance to talk to Remus.

"What the hell Remus?"

"Lily. Language."

"Remus-"

"Alright, alright. I tried to turn them off it, I swear, but I couldn't get them to lay off it. Since I haven't seen them all summer, they were quite persistent. I didn't know what else to do. Then I thought, well maybe this'll make things easier when school starts again."

"It's alright, I just wished I had more warning. What do you mean easier when school starts again?"

"I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself when school starts. I saw you standing there, the crowds aren't doing you any good, and I know I can't avoid the guys during school. So if there's some semblance of a start of friendship for them, they won't find it as odd for me to be around you more."

"Remus, I'll be fine…"

"Lily. I've been here this far, and I know that you're not fully out of danger yet. I'm not going to abandon you."

"Thank you Remus."

SIRIUS POV

I looked behind us to see Lily and Remus walking slowly and talking. She seemed quite nervous, but at the same time something else, grateful. She was grateful. James saw me looking back and took a look himself. And his face fell. That's when I realized what it could look like. Remus and Lily sharing a moment…could they be sharing a moment? What is going on with them anyways, I know what Remus said before, but I can't get anything from him. I have to check something out when we get to the house…but for now.

"Moony! You slow poke! You have all evening to talk with Evans about the books you got and Prefect duties! But we're hungry!"

They both jumped slightly guiltily, which made me feel even more suspicious. Though when I glanced at Prongs he looked relieved.

LILY POV

The evening went alright actually. Mrs. Lupin caught on and feigned not knowing who I was. Then I sat and watched the guys. Before I always found them quite immature, however, I never was close enough to know what was really going on. I was starting to see how wrong I was about that.

SIRIUS POV

It was a while after supper, we were all just sitting around, laughing, talking. And Evans was just watching with a strange look on her face. Seeing that they were all quite distracted I stood up and announced. "I need to go to the loo."

"Thanks for the announcement Padfoot."

"Just what we needed to know."

"Don't fall in."

Followed by a delicate snort from Evans by the window, that she had carefully closed and locked before sitting close to it.

I walked up the stairs, instead of going to the loo, I stopped and went into the room Lily had been hiding in the last time. It was clean, perfectly clean. However, this room wasn't set up like a guest room anymore. It had things in it, items I recognized from sneaking into the girl's dormitories as Lily's. But stranger yet was the comfortable armchair at her bedside, that had an extra pillow and blanket on it. I recognized them as Remus'. Living with him for five years, you know who's stuff is who's. What is Remus' bedding doing in what is obviously Lily's room…I need to find out. Now how to stay here overnight to figure it out…

REMUS POV

We all looked up when Sirius came back in. "You were up there a while, you didn't actually fall in did you?" I was surprised and relieved when I realized that comment came from Lily, her eyes sparkling with what I've come to recognize as mischief. I glanced at my Mum and we both smiled at that.

"Actually…"

"You fell in?"

"No…I think I had far too much ice cream earlier…I don't think I could handle a floo home. I hate to impose on you, but can I stay here tonight?"

"Oh Sirius…" Mum started, glancing at Lily worriedly. Who surprisingly gave a slight smile and nodded. "…that's just fine. Let's go get you situated shall we? James, Peterit was nice seeing you again. And nice meeting you Lily…" she gave me an odd look while she ushered Sirius up the stairs.

"See you later Mrs. Lupin." Peter called, as he stepped in the fireplace. "Thanks for the food."

"See you Peter." There was a flash of green and he was gone.

James looked at Lily uncertainly, and when she didn't step forward, he shrugged and stepped towards the fireplace. "Bye Remus. Tell Padfoot I'll let Mum know that we'll just see him tomorrow then. It was nice to see you Lily."

"You too. See you at school."

James flashed a brilliant smile, "You too!" And he too was gone.

Then I turned to Lily.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long again.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Just my imagination

Chapter Nine

LILY POV

"Lily…why are you ok with Sirius being here?"

"He's sick, I'm not going to make that worse. Besides it's not like he doesn't know that I'm here."

"Alright…but Lily, you need to sleep tonight."

"I'll be fine Remus. You said yourself I haven't full out screamed in a little while, it'll be fine."

"Alright…if you're sure…"

"I am. I'm also tired, so I'm going to go to bed now."

"Alright. I'll be there in a bit Lily."

"Ok. No hurries."

REMUS POV

I watched Lily go up and then went up to my room. Quickly changing into some sweats and a t-shirt and slipped out of my room. "Where are you going?"

I jumped and turned seeing Sirius. "Bloody h- Padfoot you scared me."

"Why?"

"Well I thought you'd be in bed since you were feeling unwell, and there's normally not people waiting outside my bedroom when I leave at night to go to the loo."

"Oh…that makes sense."

"Why shouldn't it?"

"I dunno."

"Sirius…"

"Yes Moony?"

"Don't spy on Lily."

"Why do you think I will?"

"You have that look on your face you had when you decided to go undercover and spy on the girl's in third year…"

"And I learned my lesson about that didn't I Moony? Do not spy on Evans."

"As long as you remember that I guess…"

"Of course. Gnight Remus."

"Padfoot…"

"Yes?"

"Why were you up?"

"Glass of water." He held up a half-empty glass.

"Ah. Gnight then." I watched him walk into his room and slowly shut the door before creeping down the hall, and letting myself into Lily's room quietly. She was already asleep. I sat down on the armchair and let myself doze off.

SIRIUS POV

I sat outside of Lily's room waiting. I didn't hear a thing. Just as I was about to get up and go to bed, and think about forgetting the whole thing I jumped at a scream.

"MUM! NO NO NO NO NO! MUM! MUM!"

It was Lily screaming, what in the world, I opened the door to a strange sight. Lily was thrashing around screaming, while Remus was trying to hold her, I could just barely hear his voice over her screams, "Lily it's alright, it's alright. They can't get you here Lily, they don't know you're here. You're safe Lily. It's me it's Remus, you can trust me, Lily."

My mouth dropped open when she full out slugged him, still screaming, "DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH THEM! MUM! MUM MUM! MUM!"

That's when Remus looked up and saw me standing there in shock. He shook his head, "Sirius, can you get my Mum. She hasn't been this bad in a while, but when she screams Mum so much, Mum's the only one who can help." I nodded quickly and ran down the hall.

I knocked on Mrs. Lupin's door. "Mrs. Lupin!"

The door swung open, and she was fully dressed, "I know Sirius. I hear her. Quickly. Go get a class of water, and a glass of milk. She'll need them in a moment."

I hurried and got the glasses, and grabbed an icepack. That punch looked like it will have left a mark…By the time I got upstairs the screaming had stopped, and was just heart wrenching sobs. Remus was back sitting on the armchair, looking tired and worried, Mrs. Lupin was holding Lily and rocking her back and forth. Murmuring soothingly as Lily sobbed, "Mum, Mum Mum Mum."

I wordlessly handed Remus the icepack and set the glasses on the side table. Mrs. Lupin met my eyes briefly and gave a quick, "Thank you," before turning all attention back to the shaking, grief stricken girl in her arms. I stared. This was not what I was expecting.

I jumped as I felt an arm on my shoulder, it was Remus, and he nodded to leave the room. I nodded in agreement and followed him out.

"Moony? What…"

"We don't know exactly what happened. Though we do know bits. From episodes like this, and physical signs on her body. Lily's home was attacked last Christmas. Her parents were killed, as far as we can tell brutally, and Lily was tortured and my mom suspects raped as well. We think it was Death Eaters, actually we know it was Death Eaters. Dumbledore confirmed that bit in a letter to Mum, though he won't tell us anymore of why. Though probably because she's a Muggle-born that is doing so well…"

"Bloody hell…"

"I know."

"She's been like this since?"

"As far as we can tell, she actually wasn't sleeping until this summer. At first it was like this every night. But this is the first time in a little while that she's had an episode this bad. I think the crowds at Diagon Alley threw her off…I shouldn't have let her go off alone…"

He looked at me and took in what was sure to be a shocked look. "She was starving herself. Has no other place to go, her sister has completely cut all contact. Apparently blames Lily for what happened. I don't know if her sister was there or not, but nonetheless…"

"She'd been starving herself since Christmas."

"Yes…Mum thinks she may not have even made it to Hogwarts next year with all the health problems she was having. The mix of mental and physical illness was too much."

"Who would do something like that to someone? Hurt them so bad that it leaves them like this for months afterwards?"

"I don't know. But I know I'm never letting them near her again."

"I'll help."

"What?"

"I'll help. I'll keep this secret like she wants I'm guessing, and I'll help protect her."

"Thanks Sirius." He sighed. "She should sleep the rest of the night now. So we probably should too. She may not remember tonight, so don't bring it up if she doesn't. It just makes her feel guilty."

I nod slowly. And watched Remus walk tiredly back into the room, and his Mum slipped out just as quietly murmuring, she's sound asleep now. It should be fine." I stopped in the doorway and looked in one more time. She's still so small, I didn't notice, but she's still thinner than she used to be. What happened to you to leave such an impact? Who would do such things…scratch that. I know whom. My ex-family. I won't let it happen again, and I will find out why you were targeted Lily.

A/N: Sorry it was so long. So hopefully two chapters in one day help make up for it...Just a little?


	10. Chapter 10

A/N JK Rowling still owns Harry Potter. But there's no controlling my imagination.

Chapter Ten

LILY POV

I came downstairs for breakfast and Sirius was still there. Shoveling breakfast in his mouth at top speeds. "I take it you're feeling better."

"Yeah, a good nights sleep was all I needed." He gave me a big grin, syrup down his chin. I smiled back and grabbed an apricot.

Sirius gave me a funny look. "That all you're eating?"

"I'm not that hungry in the mornings."

"You didn't eat much last night either."

"How do you know that's not normal?"

"You're really skinny."

"Thank you?"

"You should eat more. Get some meat on your bones."

"I'm not hungry."

"Still…"

"I screamed last night didn't I?"

He stared at me. "Oh no…I did. Of all nights…"

"I won't tell anyone Lily."

"What?"

"I won't tell a soul. In fact I can help now, with the whole Moon-Remus staying close bit. I haven't told anyone about you being here, I won't tell about this either."

"Thanks Sirius."

"Now eat a muffin."

"Sirius."

"Now I understand that you have to eat simple things or whatever, but eat a muffin. You won't starve on my watch."

I gave him a wry smile. "Thanks Sirius. I am a big girl you know."

SIRIUS POV

The sparkle was back in her eyes. It frightened me how much that sparkle died when she realized that she had an episode in the night. But now it was back, and she was teasing me. "Even big girl's need taking care of every so often."

She smiled again. "Thanks." She stood up and walked out of the kitchen, apricot and muffin in hand. "Oh and Sirius."

"Yeah?"

"You can call him Moony. You don't have to hide anything about that Padfoot. Believe me, it's really unnecessary."

I watched in amazement as she smirked at my face and left the kitchen. I turned to see Remus leaning against the counter behind me, he must have slipped in while I was talking to Lily. "Does she really?" I started to say.

"Yeah. She's known about me since first year apparently. And figured you lot out as soon as you guys did."

"How?"

He smiled almost like there was an inside joke behind it, "She's not called the brightest witch of our age for nothing."

LILY POV

I smiled to myself thinking of the exchange with Sirius. _He's really not that bad. And I feel like I can trust him._ There was a knock on the door, and I looked up worriedly, ready to go back up into my room in case it was someone who I'd rather didn't know I was there.

Mum…Mrs. Lupin came in the room, and opened the door slightly looking out. "Oh. Albus." In walked Dumbledore, in all of his…Dumbledoreness. His long silver beard tucked into his belt, and even though his eyes gleamed behind his spectacles, he emanated seriousness.

"Ah yes. How are you today? Feeling better?"

"Yes Albus. Would you like some tea?"

"No, thank you. Today is a short visit I fear. I'm just here to gather Lily for a little while. I'll have her back as soon as possible, but there are some things that I'm needing her to do."

"Nothing too strenuous Albus. She's still on the mend."

"I'm fine," I spoke up. "I've been waiting, and there's no more time to wait." Dumbledore shook his head at this just slightly in agreement. "I'll go get my things. I'll be out in a moment."

"Of course. When need to be off shortly."

"Of course."

I stopped on the stairs to listen for a moment.

"Albus, what on earth?"

"I can't give any details. But you don't have to worry about her. She'll be perfectly fine."

"I'm sure, it's just…she's been so ill and I'm sure you know."

"I do, but there is no more time to delay. This must be done before school, and with that just days away, now is the only time."

I came back into the room, a sweater and my bag on one arm. "Alright. I'm ready."

"Let's go then." He held out his arm. I grabbed a hold of it and closed my eyes. Readying myself for the tugging feeling in my navel as we apparated.

_Ah well. Back to work._

A/N isn't it so amazing that you can be hard at work, but still fall behind?_  
_


	11. Chapter 11

A/N I don't own Harry Potter or the characters. Just my imagination.

Chapter Eleven

I blinked when we finally stopped. And sighed as I looked at the familiar surroundings. "Alright Miss. Evans?"

"Moody. Just fine thank you."

"Finally back to work are you?"

"Yes. Sorry for the delay."

"An expected delay. You look better than before."

"Thanks. I've had some help."

"Help?" Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody gave a quick look at Dumbledore.

"The Lupin family have taken her in, and have cared for her quite diligently this summer."

"Ah. I see. Good family. A pity what happened to them."

"Yes. But they've come out on top."

"They're good people," I cut in. "What do you need me to do?"

Dumbledore turned to me, "Nothing yet. Just going to explain what you'll be doing once you get back to Hogwarts."

I gave a quick nod. At the beginning of last year Dumbledore had caught me experimenting with different spells and potions that I found in the Restricted section. I had been doing this for a while, and I suspect that he only "caught" me when he felt I was old enough to do more with them than to experiment. Ever since then I've been an "unofficial" member of the Order of the Phoenix. Working on different traps and poisons that Voldemort had been setting. Moody took a liking to me after I saved his skin from a nasty version of the jelly-legs curse (it actually turns your legs to jelly. I wasn't able to save one leg, but the fact that I was able to stop it from spreading and reverse it for the most part was all he needed.)

"What do I need to do?"

"There's a vanishing cabinet that has been placed in the castle, I had it set up to the network so that families could be transported to the castle for safety. However, Tom has found out about it, and was going to use it to his advantage. I was able to take it off of the network for everywhere except for it's sister cabinet that I can't locate. I would like you to disable it. I can't have Tom or any of the Death Eaters getting into the school while all the students are back, which is what I fear he plans."

"Of course professor. I can handle that."

"Good," Mad-Eye said gruffly. "It'll take a heavy amount of charms and we've found you're the best with it. Though sadly we aren't the only ones who have noticed."

"What?"

"We think that someone leaked that you're the one that has been breaking all the traps, crippling many of Tom's attacks," Dumbledore cut in. "We're investigating it as a cause for the attack at Christmas."

I sat in shock. "Well that would explain why they'd single my family out I guess…"

"Miss Evans. We understand if you'd like to stop your work for us with this being the case. You're not of age. We shouldn't even be asking you to risk yourself like this anymore."

"No. I can't stop now. Not when it's become so crucial. It's not like I have anything left to lose do I?"

"Miss Evans-"

"No sir.I'm doing this."

"Alright. Over here are the plans and work that's done on vanishing cabinets. All the information you'd need. You can look over them now, and they'll be given to you again when you get back to the castle for more reference points as needed…"

I went over to the table to look at the plans. Doing all I could to focus on the papers across the table and suppress the memories that had been flooding my head since they mentioned the attack. _I can't stop this work now. If I can do anything to stop Voldemort I will. Even if I don't get a chance, I don't want any other muggleborns to have to feel lost between two worlds, neither of which being able to fully join._

A/N I'm so so so sorry about not posting before. Life hits you hard sometimes. however, I will get caught up again with this story if you'd like. Just give me a hard time if I start slacking again._  
_


	12. Chapter 12

A/N I don't own HP.

Chapter Twelve

I got back home (that's what it was now, home…I have a home) a few hours later, with my mind reeling about different diagrams, charms and blueprints. Still thinking what of different was to sabotage this wonderful craftsmanship that made up the vanishing cabinets.

"Oh there you are!" I looked up to see Mu-Mrs. Lupin coming over and giving me a hug. "How are you feeling love? They didn't have you doing anything too strenuous did they?"

"No. I just read over a few things. Nothing big. I don't think Moody would've let me do anything more. He was hovering worse than you."

"Alastor's a good man. He used to stop by here all the time, I'm glad he's helping look after you there."

"Yes. He trusts me a lot."

"For good reason I understand." I gave her a confused look.

"Oh don't worry hon. I won't tell anyone what it is you do. Dumbledore has had me doing some werewolf relations works for the past while. Theough everyone was talking about how a student was the one who saved Alastor."

I blushed. "Oh dear…"

She laughed, "Come on. The boys have been wondering where you went."

"Boys?"

"Oh yes. Sirius wouldn't leave until you're back. You've got yourself another guardian now."

"Oh joy…"

She laughed again. "They're good boys. You couldn't ask for anyone better to look out for you. It makes me feel good that you'll be watched over when you go back to school too. I now have two children to watch over."

"Mu-Mrs. Lupin…"

She cut me off there, "Now young lady. You are no longer allowed to call me Mrs. Lupin. You are now my daughter, and you must call me Mum. I've noticed you slipping and starting to call me that, and I'm done waiting for you just to go and say it on your own."

I smiled slightly. "Yes Mum."

She kissed my head. "Come on. Time for supper. There's soup waiting."

When we walked into the kitchen I heard an exclamation, "Finally!" and I was then squished in a bone crushing hug.

"Sirius, " I gasped, "You're going to break me!"

"I wouldn't break you if you ate more. Sit down now, and you will eat ever last bit."

I sat down apprehensively, and stared worriedly as Sirius proceeding to fill my plate as full as humanly possible. "Sirius…Sirius…that's more than enough."

"Are you kidding me! You're skin and bones, we need to get you those luscious curves back that all the boys love!"

"Wait…WHAT?" I sputtered, and then looked up at Mum and Remus. Both of whom seemed to be struggling not to burst out laughing right there, and when they saw my panicked face, they couldn't hold it in and began to laugh so hard they had to lean against each other.

I looked to see Sirius' scandalized face that they found it so amusing, and I couldn't help but laugh as well. It's good to have a home.

A/N I'm sorry again for being so long.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N Harry Potter is JK Rowlings. All I can claim is my imagination.

Chapter 13

The rest of the summer went about like that. I would wake up and go to headquarters in the morning. Work for a little bit. Investigate the charms that could potentially work on the vanishing cabinet in Hogwarts. Then usually go over a couple potions that have popped up on attack scenes and high security thefts. Just the normal day on the job I guess.

Sirius had decided to stay for the rest of the summer as well. I had mixed feelings on it. I was just learning to handle Remus and Mum..._Oh it's so nice to be able to say that_. Though they're quiet in their hovering and caring. Sirius was rather in my face about it. "Lily you need to eat everything on that plate", "The sun has laid his head down, you need to lie down yours too", "Lets go take a walk in the sunshine. You won't get much of that in the library", "Don't go over exerting yourself young lady, too much sunshine can be bad for you" and so on. I didn't know what to do with him. _I mean it's nice that I know that he'll stand by me still. But does he have to be so noisy about it? _I thought as I watched him fuss over making sure that my lunch had all of the basic food groups in it.

However, the fears of Moody and Dumbledore had been well placed. Enough proof came out in those days that the reason behind the attack was because someone had leaked who I was to the wrong person. The fact that I was still alive made me a live target, and everyone close to me one as well. I knew I had to do something about that. I had grown to love the Lupins, and Sirius in his own ways. I knew I would have to end this. Leave this new home, that I had for so little a time, and break any connections with it to protect it. I smiled as I watched Remus and Sirius argue over whether or not a tomato was a fruit. Then giggled at the eye roll Mum threw at me. _Once school starts I'm back to my old relationship with them. Polite acquaintances with Remus. Strictly business because I don't approve of his friendships. Annoyance and anger towards Sirius, back to calling him Black and only Black. And never having met any of Remus' family. Just knows that his mother is _sick_ often. Voldemort can't take away something I don't have._

I was jerked from my thoughts from a direct question. "Sorry. What was that?"

"Off in your own world Lils?" I rolled my eyes at Sirius' renewal of that nickname.

"You could say that."

"I was just wondering if you had finished packing. Alastor will be here soon. He's taking you to the platform tomorrow correct?"

"Yes. To both. He was going to take me directly to the school. But I'm a prefect. I need to be on the train. People will notice if I'm not there."

"Will you be able to handle all the people though?" Remus looked at me worriedly.

"I need to figure out how sooner or later. School's going to be worse than the train throughout the year. I can't hide the whole time. People will know what's up."

"I suppose that's true. But we'll be there for you at the school too you know."

_Ok Lily. Now's the time. _"About that. Um...I really don't want people to know what happened."

"We know that Lily. We won't say a thing. We promised." Sirius' face looked so eager and trusting.

"But if we're suddenly acting like we're friends at school. People will start to wonder. Some might start to pry." Sirius started to look confused. Remus however was starting to understand what I was saying. I didn't dare look at Mum. I knew she would understand as soon as this came up, I couldn't stand to see the hurt on her face.

"Lily..."

_Deep breath. Keep going. Don't stop now or else you'll never get this done._ "No. I think it would be best, if at school. We go back to how we've been in the past. I'm Evans. You're Black. I'm Lily. You're Remus. You're an annoyance. You're the fellow prefect. Nothing more."

"But what about nights? What'll you do? And eating. You'll need to eat, you still won't do it unless we make sure you do."

"I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. I was before you guys found out."

"Taking care of yourself! You were slowly killing yourself. If we hadn't found out. You would've died this summer."

"I would've been fine. There are plenty of people who need me alive. You just happened upon me first."

"Lily..." This was the first time Mum had said anything. I still didn't look at her. I knew if I did I would start to cry. Take all of this back. Beg them to let me just stay in this home. Only to go out to work. Because this place had become my world this summer. Another thing that I have no right to know. _I was born to a muggle family. But I'm not a muggle. And since I was born to a muggle family. I'm not a true witch. I'm stuck in the middle. I can't stay in either world. But I will make it so that there will be a world for others like me. _

"No. It's true. Multiple others would have. This was nothing. Just a place for the summer. Completely unnecessary."

"Lily. What the bloody hell are you saying?" Sirius had figured it out. I couldn't look at Remus. His look had changed to pitying.

"The truth. Well Black?" I turned to glare at him. He stared at me. I turned from him. Only to see Mum...The mix of pity, heartbreak, and twinge of anger and confusion, ripped my mending heart from my chest. _Don't back down now Lily. You're doing this for them._ "So long."

I quickly left the room. Feeling the tears well up. Though pausing in the doorway to murmur. "I'm sorry. But I have to do this." I walked right out the door into Moody's arms.

"Why'd you have to do this that way huh girlie?"

"Moody..."

"I know why. But it doesn't make it any easier. Lets go get your stuff. They'll be coming out soon. Don't think you want to face them again now."

"Yes please. Quickly."

I gathered my things and apparated with Moody to the headquarters. I quickly went to the room that I'd used when my work had gone a little long in the past, only to collapse on the bed crying. _He's taking everything from me. I will do what I will to take Voldemort down. Though all I will give him to take from me is my life. And how much is that worth anyways. A life stuck in perpetual limbo._

A/N I know I know. I'm a slacker. But I did ask you all to get after me...no excuse I know..._  
_


	14. Chapter 14

A/N My imagination is mine. That's all I can and will claim. The rest is JK Rowlings.

Chapter 14

I turned to my mum and Sirius after Lily had left the room. "She...she didn't mean it."

"I know darling."

"So don't cry. She loves you."

"I know darling. I'm not crying because I believe her."

"Then why?"

"Because she's still blaming herself for what happened to her family. In her own way...she thinks she's protecting us."

"So this whole time when we thought we were protecting her...helping her..."

"She was going along with things because she thought she would need to protect us."

"Ugh. Bloody Evans and her supposed logic...but..." I got wary at the look in Sirius' eyes.

"I don't like that look Padfoot..."

"We can keep an eye on Lily! And keep her healthy and safe...without anyone knowing..."

"You mean day and night kind of thing?"

"Exactly. Now here's what you do..."

_Crazily enough...I think this might work...don't be so surprised. Sirius is quite smart when he puts his mind to it. _

"Sounds good boys. Just be tactful about it. You don't want to scare her to doing something drastic. I think she will at that point. She won't let anyone else get taken from her. She'll push as hard as she can. Oh I wish Alastor had explained what exactly had happened to her."

"Oh...we can find that out too Mrs. Lupin. Sirius is on the case."

A/N Short...and a bit of a filler. But that's needed every so often.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Two things. Number One. I owe nothing, except for a love of all things Harry Potter. Number Two. I'm absolutely horrible at updating. I know. But I do plan on finishing this story. Don't give up on me yet.

Chapter 15

_Moody shook me awake the next morning. It was strange being inside his home. The security measure were high. But something about staying the night in a home with someone that paranoid rubs off on you. It did not help me sleep that night. I woke twice screaming, and Moody running in shooting off spells as he ran to check if I was being attacked my hoards of Death Eaters, before I just let myself stay in a light sleep. Unable to let myself go into a deep sleep._

_"Come on girlie. It's time to go get on the train."_

_"Yes sir."_

_He must have noticed the dark circles under my eyes. "You didn't sleep did you girlie."_

_"Alast..."_

_"No, no excuses. Are you sure you had to break off from the Lupins so permanently? They were helping you, they care for you."_

_"That's why I had to. What work I'm doing for you and the Order, it makes me a target. Both you and Dumbledore know that I won't even be safe at Hogwarts, not with how things are now. I can't have anyone else getting hurt because I've tried to become part of a world that isn't mine."_

_"A world that isn't yours? What are you sayin'?"_

_"I will never be seen as a true witch. And I'll never be a true muggle. I'm somewhere between the two, and the more I try to push myself into either world, there will be consequences. I won't let anyone's pains be consequences for me. For now on it's me. I'll work hard, I will finish what I've started. And then. I will disappear."_

_"Girlie-"_

_"Lets go."_

"Lily. What are you writing?"

It's been a few months since that conversation with Moody before returning to Hogwarts. And I had stuck to my promise. I had cut ties with everyone. Including Alice, not that she noticed much since she was getting extremely close with Frank. Every so often I would notice Remus and Sirius watching me, but they kept their distance. I made a show of eating something at meal times. Though sleep was eluding me. I worked throughout the nights. Creating new spells, and working on counter-spells and cures for the potions and spells that the Death Eaters were creating just as fast.

I blinked and looked at the source of the voice. "Sorry what?"

Snape looked at my potions book, squinting to try and read my cramped handwriting in the margins. "Are those more tips for how to do this potion?"

"Just because Slughorn made us partners doesn't mean I have to tell you anything."

"Lil-"

"Just stop. Cut those. I have to get more slug juice."

I got up and walked to the cupboards at the front of the room.

"Evans! Hey Evans! Go to Hogsmeade with me?"

"Shove it Potter."

"Now come on Evans don't be that way."

"I'll be however I want. So shove off Potter."

"Alright class, leave your potions where they are. It's time for you all to go to lunch. We'll continue to work on this next class. And Miss Evans yours and Mr. Snape's potion looks absolutely marvelous."

"Thank you Professor."

"Be sure to let Mr. Snape know the exceptional work he's done as well for me would you Miss Evans. He appears to have needed to be somewhere in a hurry."

"What?" I turned to see Snape hurrying out of the room, practically running back in the direction of the Slytherin common room. "Oh...yes I suppose if I see him."

"Good, good. And I'm having a little dinner party next week. I would love to have you there as well."

"Yes professor, if I have time with my studies."

"Of course of course. We can't have the star student fall behind because of a dinner party can we?"

I smiled and went back to my desk gathering my things and placing them in my bag. When I realized something. The potions book that was with all my things wasn't mine. I picked it up, frantically turning through the pages hoping that I was mistaken, but I wasn't. This was not my book. This was Snape's. I turned to look at the doorway I had just seen Snape running through, and now I knew that he had taken my book, with all the spells in it that I had been working on. Including a dangerous one that had gone awry that I had been trying to fix, Sectumsempra.

Sirius and I had been tailing Lily for months. While using the invisibility cloak and the map, we were able to follow her and make sure she wasn't slowly wasting away again this year. Both of us relieved that she still ate, even if it was very small amounts during meals, though I was still worried about her lack of sleep. Each of us would take turns sitting outside of her rooms under the cloak listening in case she started screaming. The calm nights had us feel rather relaxed until we overheard Alice talking with Frank.

_"I don't know what to do Frank. She won't talk to anyone, and has thrown herself into her school work that it's affecting everything she does. She barely eats, but at least she's eating. But she never sleeps."_

_"Surely she sleeps a little."_

_"But she doesn't Frank. She just stays up all night, scribbling in her notebooks, working on more homework. Then she spells away the bags under her eyes in the morning. If she starts to dose, she jerks herself awake, and drinks some more coffee."_

We had to figure out how to get Lily to sleep at night. Find someway to get her to let us back in to her life. Which is what Sirius was talking to me about in whispers at the end of potions.

"The only way to get her to sleep is to get her to trust that we can keep ourselves completely out of anyone's radar so that she feels safe with it."

"What's she doing?"

Lily was at her desk frantically turning through the pages of her potions book, until finally slamming down the book and turning to look wildly out the classroom door.

"I don't know...maybe she's lost something."

"No, something else is wrong. Look at her eyes, she's terrified. Do you have the cloak?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's follow her, we need to find out what's wrong."

We left the room and then quietly slipped under the cloak, waiting in the hall for Lily. She didn't keep us waiting long, she ran out of the classroom, and up the stairs. Sirius and I struggling to try and keep up with her. She stopped in front of a gargoyle statue, and muttered something. The statue jumped to one side, and she ran up the stairs behind. We just barely managed to slip in behind her.

"Why is she going to Dumbledore's office in such a hurry?"

"I don't know, keep quiet Padfoot, we can't let her hear us."

We got to the top of the stairs and leaned against the door to hear her speaking quickly with Dumbledore in his office.

"And you're certain he took it?"

"No Professor, but he's the only one who could've. And it would explain why he was leaving so quickly."

"And was everything in that book?"

"No sir, just things that I had been thinking about during that class, each of my text books look about the same."

"And it couldn't have been a mistake that he took it?"

"I doubt it. Not with how much attention he was paying it during class."

"What was in this one Miss Evans? We need to know what they could know now."

"There was Levicorpus, Muffiliato, and Sectumsempra."

"Sectumsempra."

"Yes sir, and there was the counterspell that I was working on for that one in there as well, but I haven't had a chance to test it, so who knows what that one would do exactly."

There was silence in the room. Sirius and I looked at each other in confusion. What on earth were they talking about in there?

"Sir, these spells, that was mostly all that was in there. Just spells. But even that..."

"I know. And sadly, Mr. Snape isn't the only one who has found out this fact either."

"Sir?"

Dumbledore spoke again, his voice a little louder. "Gentlemen, if you would join us please."

Sirius looked at me, shaking his head quickly. But I knew it was useless. Taking off the cloak I pushed open the door. Wincing slightly at the look on Lily's face. So many emotions were running through her eyes, but her face was grim. I focused on Dumbledore instead. Calmly sitting at his desk.

AN: Hmm...what do you think. Should this be where I end part one of this story? It's ending up a lot longer than I originally thought. So I'm going to break it up a bit. Now I just have to decide where I want to break it up. . .


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